Life is an Echo

Source:

ustkugey:

yes it is an echo…

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Fears

Fear. We all have them and some of them are “black and white”. I fear bats, clowns, and wooden nutcrackers (you know-the ones that come out at Christmas, they FREAK me out-LOL!).  …But I also have much deeper routed fears. They are:

  • Fear of abandonment.
  • Fear of getting hurt.
  • Fear of rejection.
  • Fear of someone taking away something or someone.

I question my decision making process and quite frankly so do others. I sometimes hear: “Why would you do X if X happened?”,  “Why do you continue to do X?”

When making business decisions I take the bull by horns so speak, get things done, and get stuff ‘a movin’ & a shakin’ (this is how I talk sometimes-lol). Yes, I have to admit that I have been successful in some business endeavors…personally..I have not.  My little head is filled with all sorts of if’s, and’s, and buts, (LIKE big buts, and I don’t mean the booty kind!). I make myself tired just  “treading the water”.

I just discovered a great blog called “The Positivity Blog“. The title of blog post I came across was appropriately named “5 life-changing keys to overcoming your fears“. You have to read this post! What stood out to me was the following sentence: ‘To change yourself and overcoming fear you have to be prepared and willing to redefine yourself.”

Redefine myself. Hmmm. Where do I begin? I need a HUGE u-haul truck (maybe an 18-wheeler) to redefine me….but it HAS TO BE DONE. Many of you might of heard of the “12 Step Program” and it usually is associated with Alcoholic Anonymous. I admit right now that: I have been 7 years sober and only made it through steps 1-3 and reading and I. REPEAT. READING Step 4. I just read it- that’s all. Step 4 : Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.  Ladies and gentlemen I just had a “Ah-ha” moment. I never did step 4 therefore I never did steps 5-12.

I know I have a long road ahead of me and I know I HAVE to do these things:

  1. Find a sponsor that will guide me through the 12 Steps.
  2. Call my therapist (who I cut off a couple of weeks ago-blog post later on that) and be CANDID- completely. No b’sing her either.
  3. Get back to church.

Do you have fear of changes? If so please share and if something has helped you overcome your fear I would love to hear it.

Forgive So You Can Be Forgiven

Even though I am an author I don’t read. Period. I just don’t do it. I have all the intentions of reading and have a host full of new books collecting dust. In June, as a matter of fact, June 6th (my youngest son’s birthday) I purchased a book called “Let it Go” by T.D.Jakes. T.D. Jakes is a New York Times bestselling author of Reposition Yourself, Making Great Decisions” (and no, I haven’t read it).

I clearly remember the night of June 6th. Hysterically crying, over-tired, and emotionally spent. I have had some serious issues with a family member for quite some time and was in a struggle with emotions of anger, forgiveness, betrayal, and what I thought God wanted me to do. I popped onto Amazon.com and honestly don’t know what I searched. It was probably one of those great marketing methods of “Related Products” that show up based on your previous history purchases (like right Kelly…all the other self-help books that you have NEVER read-lol). I ordered the book, it arrived, and it has been inside the drawer of my coffee table until today, when I needed a coaster for my coffee it was shoved in the back under a bunch of papers. Do you think that sometimes some things happen at a certain time for a reason? I do.

[ As a side note- I am just starting this blog and you will see me mention God a lot. There is no intention on my part to force my beliefs on you however if it does move you towards God that is fine too. 🙂 ]

I guess you can say this week I had a “spiritual awakening”. I thought I had one before and if you have ever attended Alcoholics Anonymous you will hear that phrase. Realizing today how very selfish I have been in the past I can now honestly admit that I have and had a hard time accepting that I have done wrong. I have done some things that will affect others for a very long time. I was meant to find that book today…I just know it. Part of the summary of the book says:  “The spiritual truth he explores in Let it Go concerns forgiveness and why it is important for those on the receiving end of wrongful behavior as well as those who commit acts of wrongdoing. This book explores forgiveness as an idea and at the same time offers specific and clear actions for readers who seek to apply the idea in their daily lives. Offenses are a part of life, he says. But conflicts can be resolved and relationships do have a future, if we learn how to forgive.”

Some powerful stuff, huh? I have A LOT to learn. I feel like a newborn again..a newborn in re-discovering that my actions in many ways have been wrong. I need to re-learn so many things and I know I will stumble along the way but I can honestly say I will move forward being humble and with the focus of others first. Two things I need to do is to start getting back to reading the Bible and also to start reading this book. I will certainly put my insomnia to good use!