Under The Disguise of Religion

My x-husband knows the way to get to the emotions of women, especially me.  At least now, after being divorce for almost 2.5 years, I am realizing the horrendous extent of his manipulation and deceit.

[For privacy reasons I will be called “K” and my x-husband is called “SW2”.]

After I discovered he was an extreme sex addict (I found out on my birthday that he had been with over 100 people, mostly men, that he “hooked-up” with on Craigslist) he said he wanted to change his ways and went into a sex recovery program for 30 days. Upon completing the program he said an email to a Pastor:

Pastor J,

I am writing to you because the Holy Spirit moved me to tears when I listened to a podcast of your “Good Man” sermon from December 2011.

I had been anything but a good man during my marriage. My wife K  and I recently went through a divorce in December ending our 7 1/2 year marriage as a result of my infidelity, and sex addiction. I became entangled in the death grip of satan loosing my moral compass, my integrity, my happiness, and ultimately my beautiful wife and family of 3 children, all in the pursuit of a self-serving, self centered obsession with having risky anonymous sex with men and woman. The things I chased were mere dust compared to the golden treasure I ignored at home.

Now I have lost everything. K tries to love me again, but can not find the trust to reinvest in a relationship with me. I feel the pain I have caused K and our family, as well as my parents. The sadness is overwhelming, and pray constantly for God to heal the wounds I’ve caused. We are both saved, and born again, accepting our Lord Jesus Christ as our Savior, knowing that He died for us to cleanse us of our sins, so that we may receive salvation in His glory.

I know God can make all things right with his loving hand and healing power if we seek him. I am tormented by the pain I have caused, and am prayerfully turning to you for spiritual counsel to save and rebuild our relationship, so that we can one day K and I may join together as testament to God’s healing power, forgiveness, redemption, and salvation.

In complete surrender to God,


For 9 months he tried to win me back under the disguise of religion. “I am saved”, “I am born again”. In the fall I decided to start seeing my x-husband, with great hesitations of course, and within weeks he “changed” back to his “dark side”. I discovered that he was having a relationship with a woman he met when picking up our son after school. Can you believe??  Even after I discovered that he was with another woman he then wanted to continue a relationship with me AND with her at the same time. The final curtain call is when he came to my house one evening, professing his undying love for me, that he wanted to re-marry me, and re-dedicate his life to me. I didn’t respond to him….just listened.  Then…the very next day I found out he was with her.  I WAS DONE …for good.


Euphoric Hypnosis of a Psychopath

I have been doing a lot of reading lately; I feel like I am taking a psychology class in college, lol. Good Lord the more I am away from my x-husband the more clarity I am getting on what life was like “with” him. Even though I am not physically with him I still feel he is mentally creeping in. Reading about ‘spiritual chord breaking’ and in my journey of breaking free so to speak I am discovering that….I am really a sane, compassionate, motherly, kind, and generous person. I am good. I am not crazy. Wow, just writing the words relieves so much anxiety.

670px-Identify-a-Psychopath-Step-1So in the past week I keep wondering why the heck I can’t seem to let go of him. I have NO more fantasies of the person ‘I thought he was’ coming back to me; you see he never existed. He was a phantom. If you start googling ‘relationship phases with a psychopath’ you will see the first phase of a relationship with one is ‘idealization’.

When I first met my x-husband it was a whirlwind romance. Seriously, like something out of a movie. Most people were excited for me but there were a few that said “There is something not quite right with him“; “He has a weird energy“; and even “I think he is gay“. I ignored any and all the warnings. In my reading one of the blogs I came across, “Psychopaths and Love” they describe the idealization phase: “The psychopath lures you with charm, attention, hypnosis and other covert emotional manipulation tactics. He will say anything to get what he wants because he’s a pathological liar, and what he wants at this point is to win your love and trust. His loving persona is based completely upon lies. Even so, you’ll believe that you’re “soul mates” because he’s able to present himself as your perfect mate.”

My x-husband oh how he has the charm. He is/was extremely well-groomed and looks like a Calvin Klein model. A striking chiseled face and glowing skin. I could share anything with him. He understood me. I disclosed things about my past that I never shared with anyone before. I was enchanted and enamored with him…I became addicted to him. I didn’t realize that I was/am addicted to him until a couple of days ago. Once I read another woman’s story Discarded: One Mother’s Journey with a Psychopath by Indie Mom the light dawned on me that I was/am addicted to him.  Finally after 10+ years was starting to make sense.